Byron fightclub rules

Here are some solutions to the yabber yabber and humbug surrounding drunk dickheads in Byron’s main drag after dark. 

Why not establish a Byron Fightclub? Set up a boxing ring, or better yet an octagonal fight cage, on the Jonson Street roundabout. Low-IQ buffed-up yobs would finally feel welcome – along with some locals – to belt each other up as they are cheered on. Why not close the street on weekends? Let’s have another festival.

Since the state government appears happy to fund business tourism campaigns, perhaps they could fund this.

Sell tickets – hell, why not sell the highlights to reality TV? Be the new Block: Byron Blockhead. And being the sharing caring community we are, each night could be themed for a humanitarian or environmental cause. Fight obesity, fight global warming, Japanese whaling, palm oil...  

When the mayor was outraged by tree felling in a wildlife corridor near her house the other week, she was able to stop it immediately. So what’s the sound of a few Queenslanders falling in the night? Does anybody hear? Or care?

Since Council, police, the Liquor Accord and the Byron business chamber appear incapable of doing anything about it collectively – we could at least change the media language. Soften it up a little.

Instead of headlines like ‘Byron Blood Bath’, it could be ‘Byron Nightlife Simply Tickles’, or ‘Street Massages Get Frolicky.’

And finally, if some of our treasured tourists and a handful of locals want more blood, they could go to where Council spent all its money – the Ewingsdale Sports Centre. It’s like a Roman coliseum anyway but needs a little more use.

Mud wrestling under flood lights would be the obvious conclusion.